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Organ transplant
Patient Information
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Jerry Milam
By Mike James
The Independent
June 15, 2003
The letter Molly Milam carries around with her is wrinkled and creased from the scores of times she’s read it.
Just about every day since she and her husband Jerry received it in March, she has pored over its three short paragraphs, and shared it with the rest of her family and friends at church.
The letter was written by the sister of the man whose heart beats in Jerry Milam’s chest. Milam, 49, received the heart in a five-hour transplant operation on Thanksgiving Day last year.
"I’ve read it over and over. I’ll keep it forever," Molly Milam said.
The Milams thought they’d be even more touched by the letter today, when their children and grandchildren celebrate Father’s Day with them.
They found out through the letter that the donor heart came from a man with young children. It reads:
He was married and survived by... his wife and two children - a 5-year-old son and 3-year-old daughter; He was a wonderful father and is missed by his children dearly.
The letter was written by the donor’s sister, who signed it with her first name, Amie.
Under guidelines set by the agency that coordinates correspondence between donor and recipient families, last names and addresses aren’t permitted. The restriction ensures both families will get only as much contact as they choose, said a spokeswoman for Kentucky Organ Donor Affiliates.
“Their children aren’t going to see their daddy Sunday,” Molly said. The Milams’ joy at getting the heart has always been tempered by the sobering truth that someone out there had lost a life and left grieving loved ones behind.
Even last Thanksgiving, when their hope was turning to reality, they thought of another family whose holiday had been shattered.
Almost from the very day of the transplant, they wanted to thank the donor family, Molly said. “We wanted to write so bad, to let them know how happy we were. But they’d just buried their loved one,” she said.
A representative of KODA had asked them if they wanted any correspondence, but the letter was unexpected, just the same. In fact, Molly remembers she was getting her hair dine when her husband called her to tell her the letter had come.
“I told him to read it to me, but he said I’d have to come home,” she said.
“I couldn’t read it over the phone. I was in tears," he said.
When she returned home and saw the letter, Molly choked up when she read about the children, “because we were so excited that Jerry would get to spend time with his children and grandchildren,” she said.
They’ve written back but haven’t heard any more; they hope the donor family will want to continue the correspondence. They’d like to meet them sometime.
Milam has suffered some medical complications since the transplant, but on the whole he feels better, he said. “For 20 years I’d wake up and not want to get out of bed. I’d feel so bad. But now I wake up and feel good,” he said.
More families on both sides are choosing to correspond with recipients these days, said Evelyn Glass, KODA’s aftercare coordinator.
“The recipients are so grateful for a second chance at life that they want to thank the family for making that decision. And donor families like to know they’ve made the right decision,” Glass said.
My brother was a family man. Nothing was more important to him than his wife and children, the letter continues.
Please know that we are very happy about donating my brother's organs ... He was a very giving person. We know that he lives on in you and this is what helps us during our sad times.
“This is the best gift - to help another family live,” Molly Milam said.
"Reprinted by permission of The Independent."
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